One Step Away
From Death

copyright 2009
by L

Some of the best humor on earth comes from the firing line.  Here, let me give you a few  examples that prove my point.

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we have never left one up there!"

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club."

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

The landing of the plane he was testing was a rough one. The wings and the tail disintegrated in the crash. The fuselage split down the middle when the cockpit shoved its way backwards. The pilot climbs out with blood streaming from various punctures just as the crash truck arrives. An eager rescuer leaps from the truck and races to the bloodied pilot and gulps "What happened?".

The pilot turns his one remaining eye to study his inquisitor, then replies: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)


"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you will always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the next crash."

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

"You know that your landing gear is still up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"You've never been lost until you've been lost
at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage,
it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore,

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?",   "Where are we?"   And --

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always
  needed to successfully complete the flight."

"You, you, and you ... Panic!
The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Friendly fire - isn't"

"Never trade luck for skill."

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." -  General MacArthur

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop


Short Stuff, the book  * Tales From The Light Side * The Power of Pride, the world of cats  * The Cure For Gold Fever  * Horse Faqs  * Get The Camera Out, activities for Kids Fat Fighters, the book  * Chickens are Cute Little Carnivores   * Free Fitness Tools  * Investing In A Home  * The Big Book of Natural Remedies  *  Finding Peace Even In Times Of Terror  * The Internet Marketing Program  * Preparing for Disaster, before it happens * How To Use PayPal  * San Diego, Land of Sunshine and Sail  * Diamonds ARE Forever * World's Luckiest Diamond Finder  * Tips for Writers * Sell everything You Write  * The Deseret Guidebook, for raising bees. * Great Jumping Alligators, reptiles for pets!


the end


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