The Skeeter Beater  
Lin Stone

Copyright © 1997

Mosquitoes have been beating around the bushes for a couple of millennium now. Way back in Adam's day there was only one way to escape. To dodge the mad gougers, Adam and Eve were forced to go skinny dipping more than twice a day.

Noah had his problems with them as well. 

Even though he only allowed room on board for two of them, he soon discovered they multiply faster than rabbits. Mosquitoes only lay 100 eggs at a time, but they can produce 15 generations a year, or roughly speaking, Noah soon had over 31 billion of the suckers swarming the decks. 

Is it any wonder that when his boat docked, the whole crew jumped ship? Not even Noah showed up for the return voyage. 

Some people claim the ark is still waiting at the dock where Noah left it. But there is a huge cloud of mosquitoes hovering over the ark and it can only be seen from certain angles during special times of the day.

By the time John Smith had his head on the chopping block mosquitoes were so thick that Pocahontas promised to save him if John would just reveal the secret formula for Skeeter Slurry to her tribe. John coughed up the entire list of ingredients and even volunteered to help her go shopping to find them in England.

The Indians had made a bad bargain. Skeeter Slurry directions read like this: "Lock yourself in your tepee and fill it full of thick, stifling smoke. This makes the mosquitoes so mad they will fly off into the swamps." If the mosquitoes didn't buzz off soon enough --- well, the Indians had to either face the music outside, or stay in and just croak.

More civilized methods of chemical warfare arrived with Franklin's suggestion of pouring sweet oil on still waters. All oil does is keep the little snorkel tubes from getting air in the larval and pupal stage of the skeeters.

Sad but true, Ben's methods worked even better than DDT buzz bombs, and they cost less to administer. At least in Ben's day skeeters were only biting us on the east coast. Now they are biting hunters all the way up to Alaska. 20 years of massive government-sponsored spraying programs hasn't worked. Something has got to be done before they take over the whole world.

Truth is Stranger 
than Affliction..

Prepare Now For Mosquito Season

The worst ever mosquito season is here, and mosquito-borne diseases are already resurfacing. The Centers for Disease Control documented over 34,000 cases of equine West Nile virus in the United States since 2001, with a 25 percent mortality rate. Eastern Equine Encephalitis is not as prevalent as West Nile virus, but it is predicted to spread to other states this year and the fatality rate is 90 percent.

To protect horses, the mosquito populations around stables and pens must be reduced. Traditional methods of control, however, are not sufficient. Keeping horses stabled during heavy mosquito activity, insecticide fogging, and topical mosquito repellents are not adequate safeguards. Even vaccinations do not ensure protection.

"No vaccine has a 100 percent guarantee of preventing an illness," said Dr. Marcia Hillard, DVM, with the Northeast Arkansas Equine Center in Jonesboro. "Some horses do not respond favorably to vaccinations. As a result, they are susceptible to mosquito-borne diseases. Plus, a large number of horses will not get vaccinated and others will not get their boosters."

Dr. Hillard recommends a safe and effective way to reduce mosquitoes in target areas. "The Mosquito Killing System is the most efficient method of mosquito control we have found. And we've tried everything," she said.

Developed with technical assistance from NASA, the Mosquito Killing System is the result of 16 years of research and testing. This Underwriters Laboratory (UL) Listed device attracts mosquitoes by mimicking body temperatures and breathing patterns of warm-blooded mammals through thermal imagery and carbon dioxide.

The Mosquito Killing System reduces the mosquito population in a one-acre area without pesticides or chemicals. It is quiet, odorless and does not use a propane tank. This technology is used at government facilities, health clinics, amusement parks, universities, stables and horse racetracks.

Numerous tests reveal that machines with the following features outperform other systems. First, electricity is necessary because propane cannot produce the proper airflow or heat to mimic body temperatures. Second, scientific measurements are needed for the heat source and carbon dioxide release. Third, controlled and measured releases of carbon dioxide should cycle every several minutes producing body heat signatures of humans, horses, etc. Fourth, mosquitoes should detect no air turbulence, but the airflow should sufficiently vacuum them in. Finally, the unit's surface should simulate skin texture.

National Wildlife claims that mosquitoes are the deadliest animals on earth. The malarial parasite carried by them probably kills a million children each year, just in Africa alone. Mosquitoes have probably killed more people than all the wars that were ever filmed for television. They carry yellow fever, malaria, filariasis, sleeping sickness, and at least 100 different viruses, including dengue that horrible breakbone fever disease. The only mercy mosquitoes show is a shot of Novocain as they drill so you usually don't feel a thing even while the palpitating pump inside her head section sucks off 3 to 4 times her own weight. Swarms of them have been known to draw enough blood to kill grown cows overnight.

It is a known fact --- only the girl skeeters need blood. Warm blood makes their eggs hatch more efficiently. Consequently, only the girls are putting the bite on us.

Boy skeeters are the sugar and spice of the species. They hatch out a few minutes before the girl skeeters. The mating ritual is so violent that even the strong boys are lucky to live 7 days beyond the event; They just wander around in a daze and starve to death.

Girl skeeters are made of sterner stuff. According to the American Mosquito Control Association they live up to 30 days. Consequently, if we try to kill only the girl skeeters we have saved half the money now being wasted on indiscriminate mosquito spraying. 

Here at last is a suggestion you can hang your hat on: Let's use their need for blood to suck them into a devastating ambush. This can be done by creating modern day scarecrows.

"I bought my first system five years ago, and I've purchased over a dozen since," said Dr. Hillard. "I gave some to friends, sold several to clients and kept a few. The only alternative is to put horses inside from dusk to dawn and position big fans on them. This doesn't eliminate mosquitoes, it just helps keep them off the horses at night."

Most machines catch 50-100 mosquitoes daily. The Mosquito Killing System, however, captures from a few hundred to several thousand per night, greatly reducing mosquito populations. Each mosquito caught is a female that can lay a raft of 300 eggs. So, for every 1,000 mosquitoes eliminated the mosquito population is actually reduced by 300,000 in that area.

Mosquitoes stay very near their hatching source. To reduce an area of mosquitoes requires at least two weeks. Occasionally, it takes longer to capture enough generations of female mosquitoes to eliminate new eggs from hatching in the vicinity of the device. It is recommended that all stagnant water and roosting sites, such as tall grass, be eliminated in conjunction with using the machine.

Now is the time to prepare for mosquitoes. Don't wait for a full-blown infestation. In 2003, the Centers for Disease Control documented over 9,100 human cases of West Nile virus and 228 deaths nationwide. It is much easier to protect horses, people and pets when a mosquito control program is in place at the beginning of mosquito season.

"If you think anything of your horses, this is a good investment and definitely worth the money," said Dr. Hillard. "I even encourage owners with vaccinated horses to buy one or two systems. Your horses will be a lot more comfortable."

For more information about mosquito control or the Mosquito Killing System, call 573-896-8533 or visit A video of the unit in action can be seen at the website.

Mr. Scarecrow will have his long, skinny arms covered with 
imitation black chamois cloth. Just beneath the surface will 
be piped emulsions of imitation blood. A light sensitive switch 
will warm the blood just as feeding time approaches. Dr. W.A. 
Brown (at the University of Ontario) says our scarecrows need 
to "breathe" some too, so we'll install a little huffer and puffer in 
the chest cavity. Our scarecrows will be conveniently located 
where mosquitoes love to feed.

Since only the female of the species has a craving for blood 
only the girls will come sticking their long noses under the 
scarecrow's smelly armpits. Naturally, the blood they snitch 
will have toxic amounts of dropsy powder in it. The little girls 
will suck it up like Snow White chomping down on a bright red apple.

Bringing the girls to the scarecrow will be safer and cleaner 
than spraying acres and acres with poisons skeeters have 
come to love. Nor will we be killing off any lady bugs out there 
soliciting for business. There will be no chemicals in our air --- 
no poisons in our water --- no fall out on our earth. 

This is the time to get started. Let's have a scarecrow up in 
every yard before the first bite of spring sneaks up on us. Why, 
this process will work so well that nobody on earth will ever 
again be forced to go skinny dipping.

P.S. Due to the gravity of this problem I'll volunteer to have the first 
experimental models be tested right outside my own duck blind. With 
choice pickings that convenient our fuzzy friends will be too loaded 
to drop in here for Happy Meals.


The End

Mosquitoes aren't funny for any of us, except in the abstract humor section.  Therefore, I thought I would add a brief mention of an all new, natural oil-based mosquito repellent called Skedattle that was announced on 3 January of 2005..  It has recently proven to offer better protection from mosquitoes and other biting insects, and does it without the use of Deet™ or other chemical additives.

The patented formula was developed by Gary Felkel, owner of a mosquito control company. "It occurred to me one day that I was fighting this battle on the wrong end of the equation" Felkel stated. "Instead of spraying huge areas of land and backyards with chemical substances, I wondered if there was a natural formula that could be applied to the skin. I saw it as a choice between combating nature with sprays vs. applying protection to the body. That way the environment and people wouldn't be subjected to these chemical sprays."

Felkel began researching natural ingredients, including numerous herbs and oils known for their bug repelling properties. After extensive testing, Felkel struck upon a unique combination of several all natural ingredients, that when combined, proved especially effective in repelling the mosquitoes in his Western North Carolina community. He then began to share samples with friends and neighbors.

The results were nothing short of amazing. "We had a camp nearby that was so infested with mosquitoes, they were considering closing early. They heard about this product and called us up. The director in charge later reported that the formula had worked so well, that camp would remain in session." 

Other reports included a young girl who would swell up when bitten by the bugs. Her mother applied the natural formula using the pump spray bottle, and the biting came to an immediate end.

One test, was conducted by BassFan Lab, (operated by BassFan LLC) involved three successive test periods over 72 hours. "They wanted to see for themselves how effective the product was" Felkel recounted. "I knew the formula worked, but this really confirmed to what degree it worked."  

Skedattle was matched against a product containing 100% Deet.  Skedattle proved itself more effective, according to the lab results.  Unprotected subjects received an average of 16 bites per hour. Subjects using products containing Deet received an average of only 2.78 bites per hour, while the Skedattle test subjects received less than one bite per hour, (in fact, approximately 1/5 of one bite per hour). Now that's amazing.

Word of the product has spread fast, due in part to parental concerns about the use of chemical sprays on their children. "We also have a lot of interest from sportsmen as well, who tell us that chemical based sprays weaken or melt their fishing lines".  Gee, now you can fish in peace.  

For more information about Skedattle, visit their website at  In Canada, contact Trilogy Sales Group, 19 Penni Place, Guelph, Ontario, Canada N1H7L2 or by calling 519-763-0169. For Mexico sales, contact IMDS, 5804 Babcock Rd., Ste. 227, San Antonio, TX 78240 or by calling 210-843-0627.

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