News Flash
Hot New Dog Race Explodes

Copyright 2020
by Earl H. Roberts

A hot new Dog Sled Race will explode with a bang from City Hall in Stuttgart and continue uninterrupted until the winners collect their winnings on the front steps of the Bank of England, which will be holding the magnificent purse.

Entry fees are 100 monetary units per sled from your country of origin..     
Make checks payable to Tina Miller at 

The current Queen of England has been petitioned to hand out all prize money 
to the winners directly from the Bank of England's front doors.

100% of the entry fees will be distributed to the winners of the race as prize money. 
50% goes to the first place winner. 
23% goes to the second place winner. 
And the remaining 17% goes to the third place winner.

International Sponsors are invited to contribute additional prizes along the route.  It is rumored that Furina had already offered a thousand pounds of Puppy Chompers as an extra bonus for any musher team in the winner's circle that is hoisting their international banner when crossing the finish line.


Rule #1, There shall be no infractions of the rules.  Anyone who infracts the rules shall forfeit any fractional share in the winnings.

Rule #2, The collective weight of the mushers for each sled entered in the race must exceed a minimum 250 pound limit. 

Rule #3, The collective weight of dogs can not exceed a 210 pounds limit.
Mushers may choose any breed of dogs and any number of dogs from any combination of those breeds. 
For example, two Great Danes  totaling 150 pounds can be coupled with 15 or 20 of their little Mexican Hairless cousins for a super thrust of added traction on the incline of any hills.

Rule #4, Each musher must wear a vest of flourescent orange hue with head gear to match.  This should eliminate all the accidental pot shots from local poachers that race officials wish to avoid.

Rule #5,  No matter how many mushers are on each sled Not more than one human foot can be on the ground at one time at any time during the entire race. 
The type of casing that single foot must be shod in has not been established at this time and therefore is left still wide open for speculation.  Nike? and other manufacturers have been invited to participate in the creation of special racing gear especially for the feet in this race.

Rule #6, All dog food consumed during the race must be carried on the sled with the exception of specific purchases made at the super nutrition chow centers established along the route by promotional race supporters.

Rule #7,  All mushers must follow the racing route exactly.  Deviations of any kind will be punished severely.

Rule #8,  All dog sleds must fly the flag of their national origin, but may also fly an identifying banner of munificent advertising import as well.

Rule #9, Sleds can be made of any material, provided each sled weighs more than 10 pounds. 

Rule #10, Sleds can be manufactured to any design the mind of man can conceive of.  For example, Peso Little intends to build a special two wheeled dog sled that is designed like a Roman Chariot. 
On the downhill runs Peso will throw all of his 310 pound weight to the back of the sled as a cantilever, thus raising his dogs off the ground and giving them a much needed rest as they plunge downhill.

Insurance quotes for this event may be picked up free of charge from The National Insurance Directory.  

Quit Scrambling to pay those High Dog Sled Insurance Rates.  Even if you have been designated as a high risk musher our comprehensive auto quotes system could save you as much as 46% -- on the road -- or off the beaten trail.  And best of all, there is NO CHARGE, and no obligation of any kind to see if we can lower your insurance costs. 

Look at this site before planning your next vacation. It can save you time and trouble, and make your trip much more fun.

TRAVEL FOR FREE. You can get a brand new car to drive -- or get paid money to drive your own car around! There is NO CATCH, NO HIDDEN COSTS! The sponsor companies will let you drive their NEW cars FREE* or PAY you to drive your own car -- just for decorating the car with their advertising messages!  You can even search the system for free before joining, to make sure free cars are available in your area.

Get Your Own Survival Tools and Equipment. Thousands of items to choose from.  Just for example, you will find 23 different tools to start a fire.  There is one method that will easily and surely light a fire in a fierce rainstorm any time you need it.  Yet the fire will extinguish instantly to avoid detection, leaving no residue, no odor, and no smoke.

For added safety during this special event all poachers in the region that are known to occasionally mistake fast moving dog-sledders for low flying ducks have been warned to keep out of sight at all times during the race.  Anyone caught with a smoking gun will have his or her hunting license revoked for all time and eternity.  Repeat offenders will lose their fishing license as well!

To insure there will not be any blinding snow storms to interfere with the visionary capacities of the mushers the race will not start until 6:00 A.M. on the morning of July Fourth in the year 2020 CE..  The mayor Stuttgart has volunteered to personally serve a hot cup of his private blend of pre-launch coffee to each dog sled musher that lines up on the starting line that morning.
As you probably know, Stuttgart is home of the World's Championship Duck Calling Contest, the world-famous Bud Light Duck Gumbo Cook-off, the best sport-shop in the U.S. (Mack's Prairie Wings) and the best duck calls in the world -- namely Rich-N-Tone Duck Calls. 

The Racing Route

Mushers will line up in front of Stuttgart's City Hall in the same order in which they have posted their entry fee.  If two or more mushers register on the same day the envelope with the prettiest stamp will be opened (and registered) first!

From the City Hall of Stuttgart, mushers will find the most direct route to Highway 11 going towards Hazen
and follow it to the junction with Highway 165 where they will turn sharply to the LEFT.  
Click HERE to see the map provided by  

Mushers will continue on Highway 165 -- without variation -- through Humnoke, Coy, Seaton Dump and on to England.

Lemonade stands will be set up along the way by The Arkansas Association of Young  HomePreneurs.  The first musher to arrive at each stand will receive a free cup, with ice, on the house.  Sweetener is extra, of course.

All traffic entering Humnoke from Highway 13 will be halted during the race every time any dog sled is in sight.
Click HERE to see the map provided by 

Troopers stationed in the suburbs of Coy have promised to keep a squad car standing by with its engine running, to prevent traffic snarls as mushers whiz through the area.
Click HERE to see the map provided by 

Mushers are invited to lighten their loads at Seaton Dump for the final push to the finish line.
Click HERE to see the map provided by 

The front steps of the Bank of England are located right where Highway 165 makes a SHARP right hand turn and heads towards Little Rock.  
Click HERE to see the map provided by  

There is a stop light flashing at this junction, but we have been told that mushers do not have to pay it any attention since nobody else in England ever has.

Prize Money Note:
The Little Drummer Girl (AKA Jade Elmore) will beat the drums slowly
while The Queen of England distributes the prize money if she arrives in time. 
If our negotiations with the Queen of England fall through then The Little Drummer Girl will play the drums slowly
while she tries to distribute the prize money at the same time with her other hand.

Consolation Prizes:
All mushers who finish the race in time
will be treated to an exuberant display of fireworks in the grandest park in all of England.

the end.

Have you enjoyed this article?  

You'll chuckle over these other tidbits as well.

Secrets of Success, according to Lucy Goosey  
Sound of Music Stories  Why Julie Andrews decided to take the part. 

One unforgettable Sunday our church had a three-year- old preacher, an organist who could only play one song, an altercation involving the offering and a visiting beagle who knocked over the pulpit. It happened this way on . . One Unforgettable Sunday.

Light-Hearted Stories of Hope  
The Lady Ore the Tiger  
Christmas Lists  
Hot New Dog Race Explodes with a bang from the City Hall in Stuttgart and will continue uninterupted until the winners collect their winnings on the front steps of the Bank of England, which will be holding the magnificent purse.

The Skeeter Beater, by Lin Stone  
The First Romeo and the Last Juliet, by Earl H. Roberts  
The Beebe Flea Market by Maggie Wood  
Where in the World, by Maggie Wood  
Buddha in the Bathtub by Earl H. Roberts
Fun With Misfired Words, part 1  
Fun With Misfired Words, part 2  
Fun With Misfired Words, part 3  
Fun With Misfired Words, part 4  
Fun With Misfired Words, part 5  
Pearls from My Lips  
Tales of the Broke and Famous.  
Noah's Departure  
A Google Addict  
A man and his wife are soon parted.  
The Dust Bunnies Are EVERYWHERE! 
Body Building Inventions you haven't seen yet

Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts, even if Johnny was so crazy with jealousy that --

Masters of Disguise  tales from Hollywood.  
Stories of Shirley Temple in Hollywood  
Chickens are Cute Little Carnivores  
The Church of the Chaise Lounge, If it feels good, sleep on it.  
Warner Brothers leads the way to Sound movies.
The Crabgrass Connection -- (Or, If We intend to Save America, we MUST quit blowing off Steam!)    Lin offers no apologies for tackling Chinese midgets in this one.  He sincerely believes that we must quit feeding the hand that bites us if we want to conquer the crabgrass in our front yards.  
Is Your Hologram keeping track of you?  

The Couch Potato's Comeback 
Insurance Humor  
Galded in the Saddle, an exposition of the cure that bites from the behind.  
Passion in a Flower pot... The deal of a lifetime finds romance from down Mejico Way.  
Dear Abby:  A plea for help.  
Ancient Document Discovered by Earl H. Roberts:  This one will find most interest from those with a military background, including those who have watched a few war movies.  
Drop Him GOOD, by Earl H. Roberts

Liquid Vitamins in a Liquid World?  What is this world coming to?
Rising From The Ashes, by Earl H. Roberts.  Sometimes we just flat gotta face facts head on and honestly if we intend for the flames of ambition to lift us to new heights. 
The Popcorn Automatic self-improvement replicator program.
Sneakers Sneak Into The World 
The Unified Theory of Web Economics and the Science of Selling Gas

Click HERE to read or comment on the latest book news we publish.

Insurance rates are skyrocketing out of control. A few minutes of your time can be worth thousands of dollars in savings over the life of your insurance policy. Let us help you find the best rates that offer you affordable and family friendly coverage. Click HERE to find a train load of savings on every kind of insurance policy you need. Low cost, family friendly, bargain rates, and even downright CHEAP policies and it won't cost you a penny to see if we are spot on RIGHT! Free quotes for individuals, children, family, self employed, small group, travel, temporary, international, seniors, catastrophic, home, auto, farm and ranch. Save your money. Get the friendliest quotes on all your insurance needs.