The Train Stops HEREThe Fun Depot

A collection of miss-fired words

I laughed for hours when I read this one:
You'll laugh too, when you get it.

The worst thing about this job is you have to treat people like they were human beings.


I am a certified Anthropomorphic Seismological Engineer; let me hold your hand until it quits shaking.


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You'd better listen to your husband's advice lady.  He usually knows what he is talking about, even if he is wrong most of the time.


Are you one of the nine out of ten people who came to this web site looking for answers, instead of hard-hitting information that made you think?


Most dating surveys reveal that people have these top three requirements when looking for the right partner: a good physical appearance, great financial stability "and enough sense of humor to laugh when I walk out."


Now that I don't have anything to do I don't feel like a failure any more.


In an industry where even the giants totter on a solid foundation ---


Beyond the hype, is there any method to the madness?


The boy was ecstatic about the job offered to them.  "We'll get to be out in the woods all day long and they will pay us $4 a pound to gather moss."

The girl shook her head.  "Honey, a pound of moss would take a box this big, and this high.  I'd rather be a rolling stone that gathers no moss."


Jerry saw a friend of his driving a new Cadillac and asked, "How did YOU get this?"

"My grandfather bought it for me."

Jerry shook his head.  "That's impossible.  He's been dead for forty years now."

"Yes, yes he has.  But while he was alive, he voted Republican!"


From all I've read about the Garden of Eden it is easy to see it would be a nice place to visit once a year.


I am NOT depressed.
I am reacting realistically to the problems I face.


The sales girl came over to the elderly gentlemen and said.  "Can I help you?  You look a little confused."

When he responded:  "Honey, I have been practicing on that confused look for ten years now." it was the sales girl who looked confused.


No matter how far and fast you run, your nose is there in front of you.


Optimists who are seldom right are happier than pessimists who are never wrong.

It is easier for people to believe a tiny little pill can move a mountain of pain than it is to believe that boiling the bark of a tree will produce a tea that works just as good.  They will laugh at you until they are sick, unless you are brave enough to tell them that's where aspirins comes from.


I love cats and I love dogs
but most of all I love bats and frogs.
Leave them alone and they eat bugs,
and they don't chew up my best rugs.


It isn't enough to know what to pack for your trip, you have to know where to find it too.  Strangely enough, the logical place to pack your necessities is NOT the logical place to look for them.  Therefore, the best place to put them is where your necessities are found at the end of your trip.  And here's another tip -- you'll have a lot more room if you leave out all those things you only take because you know you should.


It was a powerful Church Service, but we were not spiritually drenched, just uplifted for a few moments by a pep talk.


Anyone that opens a conversation by asking "for a little help" usually wants a whole lot.


Uhh, someday your father may be brave enough to explain that to you.


Don't follow the rabbit; Keep the Commandments.


The need for courage never falters.


Greet everyone you meet as if you know they have a big trial in their lives and nine times out of ten you'll end up hearing about it.


We make a big mistake in cleaning up a mess we've made.  Typically we begin hauling trash out, putting things back where they should have been put to start with but never made it, then we clean up the mess we made while cleaning up the mess we had.  But within a week or so the mess is upon us again.  If you can't afford to move off and leave your messes you might be interested in the words of advice I have for you here.


You never see a mess in some homes.  Why not?  Because they never let a mess happen.


In the world conceived for us by the movies of Hollywood


If I am not back here in twenty minutes, look around to see why I haven't left yet.


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